Yes, I almost lost my wife and kids because I couldn't stop looking at REALLY inappropriate pictures and videos online. Plus I was massively depressed and even wanted to end my life at times...
... but I finally found a way to drop the habit, end the fight, delete the images from my mind, rebuild my marriage, and live a life of happiness as the man I always knew I could be.
First, let me just say there is hope. I was addicted for 18 years. 8 of those as a married man. And now I'm not.
It all started with pictures in art books and then got progressively worse until I found myself compulsively looking for more and more extreme stuff without any control over it.
I even ended up in chat rooms and simply could not stop myself no matter how hard I tried or how badly I wanted it gone.
And every time it seemed like I was over it, something would happen. Then I'd find myself right back at the bottom of that pit – feeling stuck, broken, desperate, and alone.
I lost sleep while sneaking peaks late at night. I lost productive hours at school and at work. I was angry a lot and yelled at my kids a ton.
I was also convinced I would never be able to leave it behind me because that is what everything I read told me. (It's not true, but no one seemed to know that at the time).
Almost in desperation, I started trying different things on my own to just graduate from all this addiction and suffering. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life going to meetings, asking forgiveness, feeling stuck.
That's when I discovered a process that freed me of that nagging desire to go googling for images and that taught me how to delete the images from my mind so they wouldn't come back.
It even freed me of the fear of returning to it.
Well, how bad was the addiction, Bob?
When I was in binge mode, I would literally waste hours of my day (sometimes a couple times a day) on the computer trying to find just the right video. It was a daily occurrence that went on for a week or two.
When I was really on top, I could usually go a couple weeks or sometimes months without a problem. And then it would creep right back in.
Once I found out this was an addiction, I tried (and failed) everything I could think of to regain control of my life:
Basically the works. And all I ever found was temporary freedom with a whole lot of guilt and worry about going back.
I was constantly told that I would always be addicted. That the best I could do was to be “sober“.
I was surrounded by men who had given up things they loved because they couldn’t change this one habit.
And something inside me screamed, “No! This can’t be IT!”
Spending a life “not doing something“ was not a life worth living for me. So I searched and searched until I found a way to uncover what the real issue was, solve it, and then move on with my life.
What I discovered was that the real issue WASN'T my addictive behavior at all. My addiction was how I was trying to SOLVE the real issue. That's why none of the other stuff worked. I was a crying baby, and they were trying to take away my pacifier.
But as soon as I just focused on and solved the real issue, the addiction went away by itself without all the willpower, effort, and downright struggle I used to go through.
True, it took 5 years to figure all this stuff out on my own – how to find the root issue, how to solve it, and how to make sure it doesn't come back. But I didn't care. I was finally free.
Honestly, I didn’t think what I found would even be interesting to anyone else... or work for them.
Until a distraught mom came to me with her 12-year-old son.
He had found some inappropriate images on his father’s computer and been terrified of anything to do with computers from then on.
Couldn’t function around them.
His mom didn’t know how to help him. She had a counseling background, and was concerned that this would scar her son for life because that's kinda what they teach – that addiction is a disease you'll never truly get over.
(Again, not what I've found, but more on that later...)
So I told her about my experience, and she eagerly asked me to take her son through it while I was in town. The next day we met at a park in the middle of town, and the two of us loped off across the wet grass to sit on one of those wire park benches underneath a pine tree.
I took him step-by-step through the process, giving him the support he needed to face and let go of what was causing the problem for him – the real root of the issue. Then he walked back to his mom with a smile on his face.
As they drove off, I remember thinking to myself, “I hope that worked.“
It had taken him WAY less time than it took me. But then again, he was 12. I was 32 before I finally got free of it. Probably had TONS more baggage, shame, and guilt to work through on my end.
Out of curiosity, I called her a few months later to check in with them. Here’s what she told me:
“HE’S DOING SPECTACULAR! HE HASN’T HAD A PROBLEM SINCE THAT DAY.“
That’s when I realized that this process wasn’t just something unique to me. It was simple enough that a 12-year-old could do it and powerful enough to free him, too.
Since then, I have I’ve spoken and worked with hundreds of others using the same method. And every time, this process has had a powerful effect. You can see some of their stories here.
These men (and a few women) felt a massive change inside of them to where there wasn't such a pull to the addiction anymore. But, more importantly, they had developed the skills to know how not to go back even if life threw them a curve ball.
If that is something of interest to you, then read on.
Let’s call this process for kicking addiction to the curb the FREEDOM FORMULA. It looks something like this:
TRBO - DAM + NGS = LC
Okay, that's a math nerd version. Basically, it boils down to three key shifts that I had to go through:
1) Find the REAL cause of the addiction (The Real Big One)
2) Get rid of what's holding that issue in place - aka 'the DAM'
3) Make that freedom stick with a New Guidance System
Once I did that, I was literally able to leave the past behind me, delete images from my mind, disarm all of the addictive triggers, and no longer have my emotions and other deep issues rob me of joy and lead me back down the path of addiction.
It's been well over 6 years since addiction left my life, and I don't ever worry about it.
Each month now, I personally coach a small handful of handpicked clients through that same Freedom Formula who are ready to finally taste freedom from unwanted habits and addictions and have all the skills they need to make that change stick.
It's like a second chance at life.
If that's something that's of interest to you, let's talk.
The call is totally free. No strings attached. Those 45 minutes could change your life.*
I want you to WIN here. And if I feel like I can help you do that, I may offer you the kind of one-on-one, I'm-with-you-til-you're-done coaching that has helped my clients succeed. It's why the success rate is so high AND why I want to make sure I can help people before inviting them to jump in. It's got to be a good fit.
To know that, we'll just talk about your unique situation.
All you have to do is schedule a call (top of the page).
Fill out the questions (there are only a few of them), pick a time, watch the videos I send, and we’ll get on the phone.
All my best to you wherever you are.
To your freedom,
Recent podcasts Bob has been on:
Conquering Addiction with Bob Gardner – Health Fundamentals Podcast
Beating Pornography Addiction For Good – The Peculiar People Podcast
The Cure to Addiction Part 1 – Off the Chain with Doberman Dan
The Cure to Addiction Part 2 – Off the Chain with Doberman Dan
Addicted to Freedom – The Superdad Show
Porn Addiction - Overcoming it and talking to your kids about porn with Bob Gardner – Stepdad Success Podcast
Chase Sayer CSW is a Clinical Social Worker working with people who struggle with these very issues.
Paul De Francis is the Director at AZ Therapy and Healthcare Management Services. He has piloted addiction and mental health programs for various religious and health institutions.
Misty McIntyre LMFT is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Sex Therapist, and Georgia board certified.
For more on Misty's work, visit here.
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Actual results may vary based on individual circumstances. The best way to see if this might work for you is to go through the application process and speak with us 1-on-1 over the phone regarding your unique situation. We are not doctors, physicians, counselors, or therapists. We are coaches. As a result, we do not diagnose, cure, treat, or prescribe treatment for mental health issues. What we do is help eliminate the root problems that have contributed to the struggle and empower you with skills to be able to live a life that gives you MORE than the behaviors ever did. That way the struggle often vanishes or goes away on its own without having to treat it at all. If that's the kind of help you are looking for, apply now.